Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
