I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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