i barfeds in our rink
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Randomize
