do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
