Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
