I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
