Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i just made my gag reflex go away.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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