I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
