did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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