I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
