Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
