OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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