today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
