She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
