im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
