I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
