dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
