If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize