that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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