Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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