He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize