He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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