pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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