would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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