i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
