She said her name was "party"
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
