He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
