A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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