I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Randomize
