The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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