Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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