I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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