you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
