i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize