i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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