Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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