I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
