Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
