you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
