The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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