we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I would ride that face into the sunset
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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