Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
