So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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