I am spending my child support on dildos
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
