Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
