My hand turned me down
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
