We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
