Where did you get a picture of my penis
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
