3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
