I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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