Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
