He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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