i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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