Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
