Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(206): View more from Washington

Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.

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(248): View more from Michigan

Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee

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(896): View more from

i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.

Fav 9 3718 1138
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(404): View more from Georgia

I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.

(812): View more from Indiana

I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?

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(614): View more from Ohio

if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?

(1-614): View more from Ohio

i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.

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(912): View more from Georgia

an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks

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(850): View more from Florida

does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?

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(937): View more from Ohio

The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve

Fav 1 1618 647
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(443): View more from Maryland

PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.

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