your parents love me but you hate me
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
