apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Someone stole a lamp last night.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
