I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
