Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
