This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize