Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
People in love make me want to vomit
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
