oh god the rape fog is back!
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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