why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
