How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
