just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
