chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
