mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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