so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
