I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize