Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Randomize
