Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
