Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
