finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
