Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
